Inner Peace

When I was in China, I told my good friend, Liza, that I was living there because I was trying to find peace.  We were sitting in a little restaurant at our school.  Life was hard.  Taiger was only 4, and things were HARD.  Where was the peace I had traveled half way around the world to find?

Liza was tall and beautiful.  But her beauty wasn't only in her appearance.  When you looked at her, it was like you saw the beauty of the world radiating from her.  She was always happy, but not over the top cheezy happy.  She was genuinely happy.  Sometimes when I was around her, I would wonder what that was that she "was".  I thought through all the words in my head to describe her: Glad.  Pleased.  Pleasant.  I later realized the word I was looking for to describe her was "peaceful".

That day in the restaurant she told me that the peace I needed was not from my environment.  She told me I needed peace inside of me.  She explained that I could go anywhere in the world, but never find peace because peace is not around you, it is in you.  I almost started crying.  Partly because I felt like moving to China was my one big hope of being at peace, and that hope was now lost.  I also almost started crying because sometimes the truth hurts, and what she had said was absolutely truth.  I breathed in hard to trap the tears in my chest and nodded in agreement, not trusting my voice to speak without letting the emotion break out and flow as tears down my cheeks.

Liza practiced Yoga.  She had gone to yoga school, and she was very accomplished at doing yoga.  Along with that, however, she really UNDERSTOOD the yoga ideas and theories, not just the body movements but the belief system.

When my house was broken in to, any little trace of peace I had seemed to float out the window on a breeze.  I was so displaced!  I was afraid the robber would return, as the door now had no lock.  So, I carried around with me what few valuables I still had.  At night, I was paranoid and it was hard to sleep.  Coming home at night to (what I hoped was) an empty house was always nerve wracking, as someone could be in there, or could have been there, and it felt so frightening.

A couple of days after the break-in, I told Liza how unsettled I felt.  She gave me some very expensive incense and told me to light it and carry it through my house, moving it in such a way that it would make smoke circles.  She assured me it would dispel the bad feelings in the house and return it to feeling safe.  What an idea!  That the negative energy of the break in was still there. I was desperate enough to try ANYTHING, so I did as she said.  It made me reflect on my knowledge of energy and I realized that was something I needed to pay more attention to in the future.

When I was at Liza's house one day, I saw an interesting picture hanging above her desk and I asked her about it.  It was a friendly looking elephant in bright but calming colours, orange, red, etc.  She told me that her yoga teacher had given the picture to her, and had given it to her without colour so she could paint it.  I believe the painting of it was a form of meditation, but anyway.  She told me that this elephant was a god and that his task was to remove obstacles in our way.  She referred to the elephant as "him/he" and made him seem so personal, like he was one of her best friends.  She said she often thought of him when she faced a difficulty, be that in a life situation or remembering facts for a test.    She felt he could remove things in her life that were blocking her progression.

When Liza spoke of this elephant god, I felt a strong connection to him!  I knew _I_ needed him!  Of course, I am Christian, so my God is not an elephant. But in my mind, this friendly fellow was just what I needed.

Over the past two years since I was in China last, I have thought a lot about Liza and what she taught me.  I often find that picture of the elephant god popping in to my head when I face a trial.  I find myself wanting to practice yoga to find the peace Liza had.  When I am not at peace and realize I am searching everywhere for a way to have peace, I remember the words Liza spoke and remember to look inside at what is making me UNpeaceful and acknowledge that peace won't be found "out there".

So, blog reading friends, where do you find your peace?  Religion has always been a huge comfort to me, but I am talking about outside of religion.  What do you do to expel negative feelings?  When you are searching around frantically for peace, where do you eventually find it?