Dealing with Racism and other Issues with Race

Two days ago, I was SO MAD! I posted how I felt, but not why. You ready to hear why I was mad? It isn't pretty, and it isn't easy to understand, and there is probably no fix...but here it is.

A few weeks ago, we attended a wedding where Taiger was the only African-American. He was dressed to the nines and looked mighty fine, I must say. :) (That has nothing to do with this story, just thought I would brag on him a bit :) ). Anyway, he was sitting by me and eating and he asked if he could go get some more lemonade and I said yes. To my other side was a family friend and his wife, who didn't know us as well. When Taiger left to get his Lemonade, the girl sitting next to me said, "Who is he??" I replied, "That is Taiger, my son!" (He was sitting by me, I was helping him eat, talking to him, being "motherly", but whatever...some people can miss those signs.) Her reaction was odd, but I understand it. Sometimes people are totally caught off guard by the fact that a "BLACK" child could be my son. I usually just get over it and let it go, but I am starting to get annoyed by such reactions. I was so thankful Taiger didn't hear her question or see her reaction.

A few days after that wedding, the groom told me that during the wedding someone had asked his bride where they had hired Taiger.

Yep. HIRED. My 5 year old son.

He wasn't helping serve. He wasn't helping clean up. He wasn't decorating or entertaining or doing ANYTHING that would suggest he had been hired. (Even if he HAD been helping out, why on earth would you assume this small child had been hired?! Wouldn't you think he was just a relative or friend helping out? And if they DID think he was there working, shouldn't they have called Social Services?!??!?!) I am going to strike a sensitive chord here, and some may not like it, but I am going to say it. The only reason I can imagine they thought he was hired is because he is black.

OUCH.

The other night, a woman was at our house and made a comment about how people who are not "white" don't look human. She specifically mentioned Chinese people and African people.

(I have a sister who is Chinese and a son who is African. She knows that. Very, very well. How am I sure she knows? This woman is related. Closely.)

I am always slow to react, slow to realize the meaning behind the comments being made. But once I realize, I am stunned! I don't know what to do! My FIRST reaction is to lash out! To PROTECT my son and his feelings!

Taiger is very sensitive about his race, his colour, his hair. He wishes, WISHES, he could have white skin like "mommy's", straight, blond hair like mommy's. It pains me so deeply.

Later, I was getting Taiger's hair ready for bed. Another relative (another woman) had come over a few minutes before, and when she saw us she asked what we were doing. I explained briefly that Taiger's hair gets tangled at night and so we have to put it up before bed. I detangled it, worked in the coconut oil, and pulled it up into a quick "top knot" (ponytail for boys :))

When his hair was done, he went in to the living room to say goodnight to Grandma. That woman was sitting there and said, so RUDELY, and nearly SHOUTING, "What is up with his hair NOW?!" I said, "What?" She repeated, "What's up with his hair NOW?!" I tried to remain calm and said, "Like I said, we pull it up so it doesn't get tangled while he sleeps." I looked at his face when as I answered her RUDE question, and as he hugged Grandma his face changed. Tears were forming in his eyes, and he looked so, so sad.

I was so mad. SO MAD! These two women, sitting in my house mistreating my son, making him feel sad, making him hurt, making him feel there was something "wrong" with his hair, with HIM!

If you have children who are African/African-American (or Haitian, or from Belize, etc.), how do you deal with racism? How do you deal with racism from family?