Tuesday, July 3, 2012


I am racing around getting the last of our things ready to leave for Oregon today.  I am so excited and SO HAPPY.  I will be spending the next five days with Taiger AND the man I love, who is going to be my husband if we ever get ring shopping so he knows my size. :)  The rings we have looked at are online and he knows just what I like. :)  This trip to Oregon is big, as I will be meeting the rest of his family and spending quality time with them getting to know them.  Jesse says he thinks his mom has pictures of him when he was younger, and I cannot even express how excited I am to see them!  What would "little Jesse" have looked like (and what will our kids look like?)?  Also, looking at pictures is a good way to hear all the old stories, about him and about his family.  I am so excited for that!  Taiger will be getting to know Jesse's family, too, and will be playing with kids who will someday (soon!) be his cousins.  

I am over-the-moon excited to have Taiger and Jesse both with me at the same time.  That doesn't happen often enough, and I am just so happy and excited.  It is so fun to see Jesse interact with Taiger, and I am excited to see if that bond between them strengthens during the next several days. I know Jesse loves Taiger so much.  Jesse always asks me how Taiger is doing and wants to know what he did that day.  Sometimes they get to talk on skype and it is so special. Taiger knows in his heart that Jesse is going to be his Lonely Daddy, and loves Jesse already.  This is going to be a wonderful time for all of us to be together.

I have been looking forward to this trip for months!  I based Taiger's homeschool curriculum for this summer around this trip.  We are learning about Native Americans and he has learned all about the Natives of the North West.  He has even made a totem pole he is bringing on the trip, and is excited to show it to Jesse and everyone in Jesse's family.  We are going to try and get to a museum while we are there that will have some Native American artifacts, and I have saved some money so if we get to a souvenir shop that sells Indian items he can get something.  I also hope to get him a pin to add to his collection.  

Jesse also things maybe we will get to go to the beach and maybe up to Portland while we are there.  I am so excited!!  This is going to be a WONDERFUL adventure, and one full of so much happiness and love I can't even imagine it.  

That is how today was supposed to be.  But we all know that is not what is happening.  Instead, I am sitting on my bed with a hollow, empty ache in my stomach and eyes swollen and puffy from crying late in to the night and I wonder how this all happened so suddenly and I feel like I am in shock.

Already today I have been "visited" by two angels.  One at 4:30 this morning and one at 8:30 this morning.  Somehow these women knew that I needed to hear their kind words, feel their love, and to be reassured that all is well.

Does the pain ever go away? 

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